YSunday, March 26, 2006
i've exhausted the tryin to make things work when the outcome is so transparent phase. guess there won't be any hope of eternal bliss in life and love huh? hahahah!
bla..bla..bla..all the cliched thing in life..is just so boring already...give me something new to deal with PUH-LEASE! im already so bored of wanting to feel what everyone in this whole blue world keep longing for. take me to the other side of the rainbow and let me forget the blues of solitude. show me how to embrace this life of mine..this brain..this wit, this knowledge, body and soul.PLUS this solitary moment of mine.heh.
how am i to not think of it as sorrow and emptiness? espesh wen each time i walk i see people madly in love altho fighting. am i to be caged? i dun wish for that to happen...to be imprisoned by my fear and weakness. would i be stronger if i had been to the other side of the rainbow...the greener part of life. would it be clearer and would it make me fathom the reason behind all this? like why does HE put me here and make me feel this way?
so we keep havin things tat we dun wan laid on a silver platter served in front of us...and despite its value..we keep pushin it aside cuz..it is just not what we are looking for..and then the chance to our choice came and as always..the sugar rush. as ALWAYS, we get hurt by that chance that we took despite how cautious we were.all that effort gone to waste. oh.bollocks.here i am.
talkin abt the cliched crap again.haha.human!
my~~..although i know we didnt have much to talk abt..i just THOUGHT it'd work out somhow.BUT IT DIDNT.
dank.i hear the nagging at the back of my head again...
"emy...ur only turnin 19..there's no need to rush for all this"
haha...its rite you knoe...only 19...i still can wait for as long as i want...even as i age...hehehe...*bleahh*
anyhowz..i learnt the word PROWLING last night...haha. and that there's an
Al-Khair Mosque somewhere in CCK..hahahahaha.
_callous_ was here with you at
YSunday, March 19, 2006
and its open for destruction, you found all the words you need.
well i found nothing and i just grumble
cause i dont know wat i feel
-the moral to the story goes..
Never Leave Your Heart Alone
in sheer vulnerability and total negligence.
i've lost my way again..i've never seen a milky way in the night sky.
neither have i seen such beauty in my life.
i thought i was getting there..but last night, i realised im no where near.
i could be meddling with disaster of sadness and pain.
i am not ready to numb neither am i ready to fall.
but i fell and im numbed.
it's just not it.not the right time and i pushed for it to happen.
in sheer vulnerability and total negligence,
i've lost my way again.
give me time..alone.
i'll be back soon..i promise. =)
Lord Bless
_callous_ was here with you at
YFriday, March 17, 2006
it's been awhile havent it..well we all have our setbacks and achievements and i've had both of it this past few weeks. i'm not gona mob abt the setback neither am i gona brag about what i've achieved.hehe..if u really care and wana know..ASK ME! hehehe...
oh wellz peeps! i'm glad u loved this song of mine..ehehe...cuz im so in love with it too.hehe
many beautiful things have happened in this few little weeks..lots of em. nothing that my depression problem can overshadow.i've met so many people and got to know some of em and opened up to only one of them. hahaha.
Dani...thanks fer the beautiful gift of friendship and late calls at nite till the whee hours of the morning.. ;)
and of course the GIFT literally..hehehe...love it really! i cant thank you enuf..hahha
im havin my caffeine fix now..thinkin, refreshin and lookin back..
what really had happened the past few weeks? Hmmm....
i've been bummin alot at home that my brain's realy not functioning at top notch.bollocks.haha
so well...people...human beings..WE naturally will always go for something or someone that we cant have or can't achieve or cant put our hands on.
even though there is something someone or 2nd best right infront of us.
why is that? Hm.
maybe its coz of our belief..like we BELIEVE that we can get that choice or achive that dream.haha.
or perhaps, we just lurvveee the challenge. that we just wana hop on and take it. in hope for victory and happiness or something. leavin the 2nd choice at the back of our head.only to realise that the dream or the victory that we desire is beyond reach.
that's when we will look back and recollect..and THAT is also when we realise that 2nd best is NOT at all that bad..BUT by then, we realise it's too late. 2nd best is gone due to our being picky and stuff.we lost that opportuntiy of being happy. not knowin when will we get that knock on our door again.
hmm...and then u'll start pondering..that maybe it was not 2nd best. perhaps, it was IT. the one thing, person that u've been lookin for.u blew it. cuz u want perfection.when u urself aren't flawless. u want beauty, when ur nowhere near attraction at first sight. u want all those beautiful things in life when u havent really been workin hard to get it. we want so many things..with the so little things that we've done.
madness.total madness.
HEH.
so before u try to prove to urself that u wana keep it in view..just so to confirm that u cant have the one u've long desired for..think again.u might lose that one opportunity. of happiness and complete-ness.
Lord Bless.
_callous_ was here with you at
YWednesday, March 08, 2006
GARASI - HILANG
______________________________________
Dimanakah cinta sejati
Yang memberi ketenangan hati....
Sampai kapanku harus menanti,
Kau pergi dan mungkin tak kan kembali..
Dan aku menangis dan aku terluka..
Bila...
Dan aku menangis dan aku terluka..
Bilaa....
Engkau menghilang....
Kau pergi dari ku tinggal kan ku
Lewati malam tanpa kasihmu
Ku rangkai kata
Ku rangkai nada
Yang ku ingin hanyalah cinta
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..
Semua karena cinta ku menangis
Semua karena cinta ku tertawa
Semua karena cinta....
Semua karena cinta....
Dan kau tinggalkan hanyalah luka
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..
Semua karena cinta ku menangis
Semua karena cinta ku tertawa
Semua karena cinta....
Semua karena cinta....
_________________________________________
i have to figure me out and find myself...
im gona do the unthinkable for this one day..just one. find myself and figure out what i really am and why i am doin this. i am a walking contradiction of my life my view, my principle. i am not a hypocrite. im trying not to be. finding a way outa this with the solution in hand i know i'll walk out glorified, renewed and revived of my faith and believe in Him. i still believe. but it's weakening..its frailing and i feel the past catchin up on me...faster and faster wanting me to come back. go back to that place where in my heart i never really knew Him. never really fathomed Him. where he's at the back of my head. i need to rid myself of this thoughts.and find a reason and conclude this once and for all.
before it is all too late.
Lord..help me.find me.
_callous_ was here with you at
YSunday, March 05, 2006
okaayyy~~..so what could prolly be goin smoothly in my life rite now?
NOT SURE.
one thing's for sure..i've met a weird but cool high-maintainance brat known as Mr.D who's never failed to make me luff...*smilez*
AND that im finally leading a routined life cycle doin the same old shyt everyday.
that's smooootthhh aint it? TSK.
i havent really faced a meltdown accept for that one time the poor fren of mine had to put up wit my coldness..HAHAHA. im not sure what could be up wit me somtimes and neither am i sure if im happy at all.but im fine.i know i am.a lil lost but fine.
there's been talks abt this guy and me amongst my sis and her frens..
and i hate to admit but i had feelins fer him.
being all "suave", potraying that "responsible" vibe wit charisma of the "man of my dreams" *puke*...
NOTHING beats the feelin of silence from him fer like months and then outa the blue u just see one phrase at the famous FRIENDSTER that reads,
"in a relationship" double bollocks my heart sorta sank for God knows why and then a pinch of dissapointment [bloody jerkoff] just creep up ur nerves. i was really kinda thrown aback. and i admit i got a lil carried away....HAHAHA.
cuz i have always only been "the girl whom he talks to when he's bored" ..heh.now, im calling myself a goon fer bein blinded.
but aint it oh so natural.haha.*wink*
but then i got slapped right back to reality and realised..that girl whom he's "in a relationship" with is kind of a 'bomb diggidity'. a girl that i know people like him will go for. sooo...im not exactly at a lost.
ALTHOUGH i am a whee bit sad cuz he was all i ever talked about..yakked about and am proud bragging about..
im sad cuz i duno what did i see in him after so much realisation of the way he treated me last time.HEH.i was sooo blinded.
i've learnt one thing though- that well..he's no different after all and sis sha is right about him. and i know tat typical male wit typical male mindset will not go for someone like emylin.hahahaha.
oh well...leave it to fate. im in no rush fer any kind of relationship neways. =)
_callous_ was here with you at